That, my friends, is the last message I will receive on OkCupid for a while.  I’ve decided to disable my account, because RGDG and I aren’t seeing other people.  It’s not serious yet, and it may never be, but honestly I am happy to have the excuse not to get any more terrible messages.  

So, for now, I don’t think I’m going to be posting here anymore.  Thanks for reading!  It’s really meant a lot to me to have this outlet.  And be sure to check in over at Requests and Dedications for all your soft rock needs.  See you on the flip side!  

One of the things I miss most about NYC is the bagels.  You cannot get a good bagel in LA - it is just impossible.  RGDG was in New York this week on business, and when he came back yesterday he brought me two entire poppyseed bagels.  He’s a keeper.

My friends and I coined these phrases, and I thought it was finally time to share them with the world.

Bonertia: The feeling you get when you are messing around with someone that inevitably drives you to bone them.  ”I really wasn’t going to sleep with him, but the bonertia was just too strong.”

Event Bonrizon: The moment when you realize it is inevitable that you will eventually bone someone.  ”We didn’t sleep together last night, but we have definitely reached event bonrizon.  So, I am looking forward to our next date.”

I hope you have the opportunity to use these terms in the near future!

I was looking through my folder of terrible messages for something to post, and I found this gem:

The idea that someone would take time out of their day to insult someone else (with a tiny bit of compliment?) is mind-boggling.  There are so many things wrong with this.

1. The assumption that he has the right to say anything about my body.
2. The assumption that I would only find a “good guy” if I lost weight.  Like there aren’t “good guys” that would find me attractive as I am.  (I can assure you, there are.  And based on your profile and demeanor, I bet I get laid a lot more often than you do!)
3. The assumption that I haven’t given any thought to the fact that I am not everyone’s favorite body type.
4. The assumption that I give a shit about (3).

When I first got this message, I thought about replying with some sarcastic comment about him being an asshole, or possibly even some earnest comment about him being an asshole!  (“Stop being such an asshole, and I bet you would find a great girl!”  That would have been satisfying.)  But then I decided that there is really no teaching assholes.  So I will just post this here instead, so we can all be glad we don’t have to deal with assholes all the time.  

I was out of town for most of last week to visit San Francisco!  It was so fun and great and a very pleasant trip, but I was excited to come back because (among other things) I had a second date scheduled with the really good date guy (RGDG) from last week.  It was my task to pick a time/location (because I had been traveling and he didn’t want me to be over-exhausted!) and I texted him before I took off to tell him I had a plan and would be in contact once I landed.

I turned my phone on after my flight and had two messages, one from RGDG, the other from the hand-holder from last week.  I never responded to his 11 pm text.  These were sent on a Saturday afternoon. 

From the hand-holder:

Hi (my name).  I don’t suppose there’s any chance you’re free tonight…

From RGDG:

Very exciting!  Have a safe flight, if you haven’t taken off yet… otherwise, welcome back!  Looking forward to the plan & seeing you tomorrow night!

Hmm.  I wonder which one is actually interested in dating me?  

The second date with RGDG was even more lovely than the first, by the way, and we have plans to see each other again next weekend when he returns from a business trip.  The hand-holder got deleted from my phone.  

This is the guy from Thursday that held my hand.  I texted him on Friday afternoon.  He texted me at 11pm on Monday.  Four days after our date.  And he said “Whatcha up to?”  Seriously.  If I hadn’t had that great date on Sunday, I might have actually responded to this one.  Luckily, I was reminded what it actually feels like when no one is playing games.

I went on two dates this past week, which makes a total of three vastly different date experiences.  I already wrote about the first one, which remains somewhat unresolved.  We’ve emailed a few more times, and I finally brought up getting together again (after a trip I’m going on this week), and he said we should but didn’t mention any specifics.  I’m honestly not sure if I want to put in any more effort at this point.  I kind of figure if he were really interested he would have been more upfront/specific about asking me out again (as I would have if I were all that interested…), so I am probably going to leave it at that.

The second date was really… interesting.  We had a cup of coffee and then I asked if he wanted to take a walk.  I really wasn’t getting a vibe that he was enjoying himself, but chalked that up to being nervous or introverted or something.  We were walking and chatting, and all of a sudden he held my hand.  I think that’s a little much on a first date, but it was sweet so I went with it.  Eventually we made our way back to his car, where we said goodnight, and he kissed me.  The goodnight kiss on a first date is rare for me, mostly because I don’t think I really give off that much of a “kiss me” vibe, unless I’m really into someone or I’ve been drinking.  Anyway, he didn’t say anything about hanging out again, and honestly I still wasn’t sure if he liked me.

When I told friends about the date and explained that I hadn’t heard from him, I naturally expressed my frustration that someone would make a move for hand-holding and (extremely G-rated) kissing, without the intention of wanting to see that person again.  What my friends mostly said in response was, “But did you even like him?”  Which is a really good question, of course.  I think a lot of times (and I am sure I am not the only one who does this), I get so concerned with whether or not a dude likes me that I don’t even think about whether or not I like him.  And when I really thought about it, I didn’t like him that much.  He was nice and seemed smart and was cute, but he was too quiet and it didn’t seem like we had a lot in common.  So I was stressing out about not hearing from a dude I didn’t even like that much.  I have to remember to ask myself that from now on.

So, date number three.  Was amazing.  Afterwards I texted a friend, “So that’s what a really great date feels like!”  I like him, genuinely.  He likes me, and I could tell right away because he asked me for a second date before we said goodnight, and he already followed up with an email this morning.  What was that I said about it being easy at the beginning if it is the right fit?  Right.  I don’t want to jinx it, so I won’t write more about it for now, but the possibility of something good feels really, really great.  

I found this really hilarious.  

I’d really like to think that’s true.  If you meet someone, and you’re into each other, it will just happen.  It won’t matter when you text them, or what you say when you do, or should you email them instead, or should you ask them out or should you wait until they ask you out, blah blah etc.  And sure, sometimes it is incredibly easy.  I’ve seen it happen.  But if it’s not, does that mean it’s never going to work?  If it’s the person you’re supposed to be with (whatever that means), will it be simple?       

The date on Thursday was pretty good.  He was a little awkward and shy at first, but seemed to warm up as we continued to talk.  He had a good sense of humor and seemed kind and was cute.  We hugged at the end and he said he had a great time and we should hang out again.  I said that I did, too.  He emailed me that night to ask for the link to my other blog (which you guys should visit!), and we’ve emailed a few times now, but no mention of another date.  Maybe he was waiting until the weekend was over?  Maybe he just wants to be friends?  Maybe he is just kind of shy or waiting for me to ask him out or a million other things.  I’m trying really hard not to over-analyze and just let things happen (new year’s resolution!), but I can’t help but think it should be easier.  And at what point do you admit that, if things aren’t easy right at the beginning, they probably won’t ever be?           

Right, so, about that break.  Remember that terrible date?  That was the beginning of one of the worst weeks re: dudes/feelings in a while.  The day after that, a guy I had been on a few dates with told me he thought we would be better off as friends.  He was the first dude I actually liked in months.  

Both the bad date and the loss of a potential whatever probably would have been fine.  But, later that week, I also found out that my ex-boyfriend got married.  The ex I was with right before I started this blog.  In the less than a year and a half we were broken up, he had met someone, fallen in love, and married her.  I had been on at most 5 dates with one person.

Needless to say, the knowledge of this produced a lot of Feelings.  Feelings I wasn’t very comfortable with, feelings I hadn’t thought about or confronted in a long time.  And I had to think about what those feelings meant for all the dating I had been doing, and the choices I had been making regarding the dudes I was choosing to pursue or spend time with.  And I realized that I had been making some questionable decisions stemming from the feelings of rejection that were still sticking around after that break-up.  And that’s not a great point from which to look for a relationship.

So, I decided to take a real break.  I didn’t deactivate my profile, but I would go days or weeks without logging in, which is pretty much the same thing for me.  I wasn’t getting any messages (hence no posts!), and I wasn’t even thinking about the possibility of meeting someone.  It was actually really great.  I was focusing on work, and friends, and other things.

I’ve also thought a lot about what to do with the blog.  As I’ve said it was really great for me because it reminded me not to take the online dating thing too seriously.  But now, I’m ready to go back to dating, and I do want to take it seriously, because I’m actually ready for something serious.  But the blog is so fun!  So I am going to continue to post the ridiculous messages I get, because that is funny, but I may also start talking more about actual dates or feelings or what have you.

Anyway, I have a first date tomorrow.  I’ll let you guys know what happens.